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19 drafts later

I’ve spent so much time this year identifying problems and how to fix them, but when I look back at it all I don’t think I’ve accomplished much changing. Today I took my first paid day off since starting this job. I didn’t go anywhere or do anything special, but I discovered that my walkman fits in a coat pocket, and I cried visiting my dog (I don’t want her to die but I don’t know how to spend time with her while she’s alive), and I ran between rooms with an open bathrobe falling off my body moving everything…

Death of the Diary

“Nothing’s sadder than cyberspace when you’re floating out there all alone, talking to yourself.” A Tale for the Time Being, Ruth Ozeki That’s why I’ve been gone so long. I’m back partly because the site looks like a closet without clothes, partly because I want a disciplined writing practice, partly because I have things to say, partly because I missed typing on my laptop. I want to wear out the backspace key and I don’t want to make and name more Microsoft Word files. I want my writing to be readable even if it’s never read. Today is the death…

because of the trees

On summer afternoons Mama would squat in the garden pulling up weeds and I would fly. It started with a jump, then I’d flutter my arms. Once I was in the air I didn’t need to flutter or flap; the air would support me and I could glide with my arms outstretched and still. Then I’d be whooshing through the house, tilting around the glass coffee table, careful not to knock over the display! …oops.  No one ever saw me fly – when I tried to demonstrate, my start would falter – and at some point I stopped, I don’t…

I measure time in revelations

spring | good performers demonstrate living & when I browse I’m learning too summer | art goes on the wall & every metaphor fails at some point & it’s possible to not have a safe flight fall | just because I like something doesn’t mean I need to buy it & everything is a business, even art winter | even as a pianist I was always a singer

help, I learned past my identity

“Learning past” is like seeing a picture you used to think you looked good in and feeling embarrassed by your outfit, your face, and who you used to be. It means overthinking, growth, and change. This is a rant about my misconceptions of what it means to be a “Creative”. 1 fire Say you walk into a store and see a necklace you like. The thrill is once, in buying it, vs. when you make something, you have to buy the parts, which is one thrill, then the second comes after you make it and you can say so to…

things are easy*; let them be

*AKA sometimes things are easier (than we think they are) Mid-last week, I made a commitment to post on Monday morning. I said I’d write during free time throughout the week, and even scheduled in advance a last ditch effort, wrapping-up writing session for Sunday afternoon. Instead, I spent all that time & more feverishly reading and journaling about my goals and intentions. How do I want to use this platform? What type of content do I want to create, and why? What do I want to contribute through a blog? What is better said in a blog vs. on…